Defeat is ImminentYou know that song by Chumbawumba called "Tubthumping." One of the weirder things to come out of the 90s, but nevertheless, the chorus is my mantra this week.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down."

Defeat is a part of life. Losing. Feeling like a loser. We all face it. 

I have felt particularly defeated this week. I was so excited about book 3 - A Stolen Wish - and then Friday night had a total breakdown about it, sobbing because I was convinced I was a failure.
The next morning I was fitted for my costume for the play I'm in. I looked in the mirror and didn't see a swan. I didn't see an ugly duckling either. I saw Miss Trunchbull from Matilda. 
It was bad.

The whole past week it's been like every time I get back up, someone trips me.

Fed up, I watched my step and whirled around to see who it was that kept pushing me down.

It was me.

It's almost always me.

Not once in the last week did anyone say anything to me that implied I was worthless, that I couldn't do what I was trying to do. When I spoke to a friend about my book, she was encouraging and helpful - so why was I so down? When I tried on my outfit, my cast mate and the seamstress were pleased with the look, so why did I find me so hideous?
All week, people have been as they often are - kind, a bit indifferent, or oblivious. None of them sought to pick on me or knock me down a peg.

So why am I knocking me down?

I think sometimes we are our own biggest obstacles. There's a fear that comes with risks, a fear of failure. So before we have the chance to fail, we stop ourselves from trying.

I may be a tiny part in this play, but that's not going to keep me from walking out in whatever outfit they put me in (strangely enough, I'll be getting a new outfit 2 days before opening night...now if I thought I was nervous before...).
I will write my books. I will write them regardless if I understand "story structure" or whether or not other writers will think I suck at what I do. I can't worry about what they think of me - but let's be honest, they aren't thinking about me. I'd bet they're too busy dealing with their own problems just like I am mine.

It's not any one else's job to make me feel good about myself. It's not even a job I can do on my own most of the time. I had to reach out and ask for help from the one who made me who I am. I had to remember my worth isn't in my looks or my writing, or even how "nice" or "good" I am every day.
My worth comes from being a daughter of the most high.

Sometimes we face defeat. We get knocked down. Often it's our own doing. But we don't have to stay there.
I found my reminder of who I am. I got back up. There's a saying "Fall down seven times, get up eight."
Defeat is a part of life, but it isn't a permanent placement.

If you're staring defeat in the face, remember who you are. You're a swan. A child of the Most High.
You are worth so much more than this defeat will make you feel.

You can do this. You can get back up. Trust me, I know from experience.

Reply to this email if you feel me on this - or if you need to express your own defeat and maybe hear a word of encouragement. I can't always fix the problem, but I can lend a hand to help you get your feet back under you. 

Thanks for listening, my lovely flock. You make my life a thousand times better.

Love,
Kelsey Up Again Swan

​

​Trolling the Trolls
We all face bullies - but being a public figure means they are all over the internet, hiding behind their screens, and you aren't allowed to engage.

Trolls aren't new - the internet bullies who live to be horrible to other people, using a keyboard because they're way to chicken to take people on face to face...

But a recent celebrity post and a story from a friend started me really thinking about what I can do to make a difference.

Here's the thing: as a published author, I'm a public figure. As a public figure, I'm not allowed to interact with my trolls or my author friend's trolls. It never works out for the public figure, who even if they're in the right, broke a big rule. Do. Not. Engage.

Negative book reviews are a part of life - hey, bring them on! Authors are always looking for reviews. But I've noticed on places like Goodreads that some reviewers, for the sake of wit, humor, and cleverness, will be downright cruel in regards to a story I know the author spent months working on.  They don't consider the person behind the pages - or if they do, they're aiming to hurt the author for "wasting their time."
The author didn't force them to read the book, but they get the lashing nevertheless (I've had my own fair share). 

The most frustrating part for me is knowing I can't defend my friends. It's not good for me to do as an author, and it would only hurt them as people would assume they put me up to it.
It's just not allowed.

Then I saw an article about Kelly Clarkson being "Mommy-shamed" because she gave her daughter a piece of toast with Nutella on it.

Nutella.

People FREAKED, calling her a horrible mother who must hate her daughter.

Um, what?

So I went to Instagram and checked out the post, and what I noticed made me think of my flock and what we could do to change the world.

There were mean comments, yes, but what I really noticed was how many of Kelly's fans and supporters backed her up. They showed her love.

They said "don't listen to the hate, Kelly. I love Nutella! Your daughter is beautiful!" 
They let her know she wasn't alone.

And I thought...hey....we could do that.

Instead of engaging the troll like you might want to when you see them slinging hate or shame on someone you care about, let the person know you're with them.

Instead of fighting with someone on the internet (which never works out), ignore their comment, and spread the swanitude.

See a fat-shamer on your favorite Instagrammer's latest photo? 
Let the Instagrammer know how beautiful he/she looks, and that you're with them.

See a Mommy-shamer on your favorite mom-blogger's website?
Tell that mama that she's doing a great job and her kids are so lucky to have her for a mom.

Do it for skinny-shaming, dad-shaming, racism, sexism - all of it.  Put the positive out there to DROWN OUT the negative voice. 

Love a book? Give it a positive review.
Hate a book? Review it, but remember there's a person behind those pages, and let the world know what you didn't like, but don't do it at the expense of the other person's dignity.

And if you see a mean post and actually agree with it? Well instead of jumping in and joining the Troll Parade, nod in agreement and move on. There's no need to fuel the hate.

Can we do this?
Can we band together and spread the love?
I think we can. I think the swans are just what this world needs to be reminded of something Disney's 2015 Cinderella taught us:
Have courage and be kind.

Be brave enough to say something, and let it be kindness as the result. 

So - have you ever been the victim of an internet troll? Are you willing to join me in spreading a bit of love out in the world?
Reply to this email to let me know I'm not alone.

Keep being awesome, swans. I love you all ♥. 

Sincerely,
Kelsey Kindness Swan