We have these ugly snout moths every summer...
They are EVERYWHERE! They cover buildings, parking lots, and even your car if it's parked long enough. I don't mind regular moths--like legit moths. I actually kind of like them and save them if they end up inside.
But these things? These things are the WORST. They creep me out. They're the kind to fly up your nose or into your hair.
They attach themselves to my windshield, and when I drive, they cling with all their might to keep from flying off. It looks so uncomfortable. They hang on by one leg, sticky and fixed to the glass, their whole body flopping about in their effort to stay somewhere that isn't safe.
They refuse to let go when things start to get rough, fly into the breeze, and stand a chance at reorienting themselves and living another day.
The longer they hold on, the more likely they are to lose their grip, the car's speed to high for them to catch themselves when they go sailing into the sky. The longer they hold on, the more dangerous letting go becomes.
It occurred to me today, as I watched one snout moth hang on with only one leg, that I do this. I hold on for too long. I refuse to let go of ideas, traditions, jobs--what have you--sometimes until it's too late.
Wind whips past me, threatening to grow stronger, more dangerous, but instead of getting out alive, I grip tighter, refusing to let go of something that, in all honesty, isn't that important. Whatever it is that God is trying to show me isn't healthy--isn't safe--I cling to it, refusing to set myself free and return to the sky I belong to.
No, I cling to these things that may not kill me, but will result in some sort of cost. Maybe it's not asking for help on a project or a problem I'm having. Maybe it's an idea or image I have of how things should be.
I used to cling to the idea that my life would start when I found my "person." When I found the man to spend the rest of my life with, we would do ALL THE THINGS, and I would get published (because I would have my new last name), and life would be good.
Oh how Young Kelsey fixated on this.
Getting her to let go wasn't easy.
One day it occurred to me that another person isn't going to make me whole. Another person isn't going to make me worthwhile. God already does that. I am whole just as I am.
I didn't have to wait for my life to start.
So I didn't.
I let go.
I traveled. Published my first novel (later than I wanted, but it happened). Tried new things. Accepted myself for who I am and who I can become.
I don't want to be the bug on the windshield. I don't want to be too proud to ask for help or admit I was wrong.
I want to let go, open my hands, and embrace what this world has to offer.
I want to fly high in the sky, not hold fast to a speeding whirl of death and disappointment.
What about you? What are you holding on to that needs to be let go? Reply to this email if you can dig it.
No idea why I just time-traveled to the 70s...
Keep on being awesome, Swans. You deserve to let go and live life to the fullest.
Kelsey Flying Swan